When someone makes the decision to take their own life, it is their decision and theirs alone.

No one else can be responsible for the decisions made by another person. We have to live with the decisions we make in life.
We have to live with the pain and sorrow caused by the consequences of our own actions.

When someone’s compulsion to do something just because they “want” to do it causes anger in another person, this is a boundary violation. It is not the angry person’s fault. The angry person was not included in the decision, and therefore became angry.

When a narcissist assumes that their behavior is acceptable, this is a selfish act. Often times the narcissist does not even realize she is doing anything wrong. Since the narcissist has an all-or-nothing thought process, reality becomes very frustrating for people who love them. The narcissist does not like to discuss things that require the approval of another person. This risks the narcissist not getting what she wants. It is therefore boring.

Narcissists never consider the feelings of others. They justify their own bad behavior and self-loathing by insulting others for their standards, boundaries, and beliefs. Around a narcissist, no one is allowed to have their own opinion, rules, or boundaries.

The narcissist hates boundaries because they feel special and entitled to have anything they want, just the way they want it. If you have something the narcissist wants, you will be targeted and manipulated in any way possible so that the narcissist can get what she wants.

If you have worked hard for a life time to achieve your financial security and have managed to buy a home, a car, a boat, a comfortable way of life, the narcissist who enters your life assumes that they are entitled to the same lifestyle that you have. They assume that what is yours is now theirs. They have no problem making your decisions for you, regardless of how you may feel about it. You have NO choice.

A narcissist has no problem claiming what is yours as “mine” or “ours”. She uses her newly acquired “status” to look down on others, even though the narcissist is merely “claiming” the status of someone else’s hard work.

She manipulates you by using overvaluation to gain your trust. She may use the classic “give to get” tactic. She will perform endless tasks and favors to create an appearance of value and to gain special treatment. This is all part of the narcissist plan of course. If you start to see through her shallow plan, she will begin to devalue you by insulting various things about your character. This will often cause you to become apologetic for your own imperfections. You will become more aware of your own flaws. You will begin to doubt or become angry at yourself.

The narcissist’s manipulation will cause you to think that they are losing interest in you as a person. Paranoia causes you to start feeling like she is seeking comfort with another man. All the while, she may sprinkle you with the occasional idealization, in order for you to keep hanging on, and you constantly try to get back that perfect feeling you had together at the beginning of the relationship.

Once it becomes obvious to you that the narcissist is not interested in “you”, but only what you can give her, you become overwhelmed with disbelief. The inner self that the narcissist projects onto you as a person has a dual effect. 1.) You start to harden yourself and become like the narcissist. You start reflecting all of their pain back at them because you cannot process it all. 2.) You give up trying. You go into a reset mode like a fuse box that has been overloaded. This happens because you cannot carry all of the pain and suffering of two people. It is simply too much.

Once the narcissist feels that you no longer serve a purpose, or if she has found a new source for her supply, she will discard you without a second thought. No emotion, no regret, she will simply move on to the next target. This is because the narcissist has no feelings. She is an empty void of self-hatred and loneliness. And you are left to pick up the pieces of your shattered life. The only closure she may leave you with is to say “you were never there for me when I needed you”. This is just one last excuse that the narcissist uses to justify her selfish acts.

-Shag

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