Boundaries and personal value are two of the most important things that a person can have. Boundaries provide you with an important tool for managing your life so that friends, partners, and co-workers do not take advantage of you. Personal value is the measure of your worth. You must maintain a high personal value in order for you to maintain boundaries. When someone violates your boundaries, it can have a very negative impact on how you perceive your own self- worth or personal value.
Boundaries and personal value interact and are determined by one another. If one is weak, it will weaken the other. Some people tend to be master manipulators, and will use many tools to undermine your generous spirit to achieve their own goals.
Guilt and anger tend to be the product of this break down of boundaries and personal values. Guilt is a powerful tool that manipulators will use to erode your self-worth. Manipulators are only seeking their own selfish ends to problems that they created and are unwilling to bear the weight of.
A manipulator in a relationship may use fake love, caring, and empathy to get you to carry the burden of their luggage from the past. This luggage generally tends to be massive; and is the result of how that person has behaved in the past. Financial debt, emotional or psychological problems, pathological lying, infidelity, selfishness, family conflicts, and general irresponsibility are all big warning signs of a person who will manipulate your values to serve their own wants.
You should never tolerate this type of behavior. People will use you, and they will use every tool in the tool box to achieve what they want; and what they want is for YOU to bear the burden of their past mistakes.
Learning to spot the red flags and warning signs is the first step in protecting yourself. Surround yourself with truly honest and generous people. Maintain your boundaries and assign yourself a high personal value. You matter! Don’t ever let anyone make you into their slave!
“No one of the Achaians labored as much as Odysseus labored and achieved, and for him the end was grief for him, and for me a sorrow that is never forgotten for his sake, how he is gone so long, and we knew nothing of whether he is alive or dead.” – The Odyssey